*sigh*....I am pathetic.

       I am a pathetic disgusting excuse of an anorexic. I am fat, have the worlds largest pooch and can't stop bingeing. So I was supposed to do a 24 hour fast today. Went out to dinner (stupid step-dad), at potatoe skin w/ bacon and cheese, then pasta a la vodka (gagillion calories and big plate), then i ate a handful of french fries and three bites of a quesidilla. Then came home ate an apple. Yeah, good fast right? Fuck it. SO I get home pissed....thinking how can I punish my self for this?
        I see the siccors on my floor and was wondering if I could actually cut. I tried but it was a combination of both me being a whimp, and the blade being dull. So I carved the word "FAT" into my leg, which was immensely painful, but wickedly good. I thought "this is the pain I would feel everyday if I was fat." Then I carved the word "FAT" again on my wrist. Then On the left side of my stomach....lastly I carved the word "THIN" into my right side of my stomach. None of this bled but it still stings and is red. So yeah. I am officially a pathetic excuse for an anorexic. Fuck food. fuck family. fuck life.
      Earlier on in the day was good. No breakfast, no lunch, ran a mile for track...then I come back home. Dinner. on my fast day. FUCK THIS. Well that's pretty much all I have to say. I look fatter today. And oh shit. I have gym tomorrow, and the word FAT is carved all over me. and my guidance consular already thinks she knows I am anorexic. What ever...I will figure it out. Night girls
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        Mkayy so it is later....here is the final result of today... 134 pounds :'( Carving on my: wrist, hand, leg, other leg, other wrist and both sides of my stomach. Total word count, "FAT"= 3, "134=FAT"=1, "SD<3"= 1, random lines=6, "THIN"=1...umm so total is 12 words. but no worries! None of them made me bleed! except the first line and that was by accident lol ( i got clutzy with the siccors). Um the 134 part came after I weighed my self...gained 1 pound :'( Well I love you girls!!! Nighty night!